I think I can go ahead and end my blogging career with that headline, because frankly, if you had asked me to list the top 25,000 things that I would ever write on here that wouldn’t be on the list. It may not be on any list. Ever. But it is on the police blotter for Muncie from Sunday, as the Ball State Daily News reports.
You can check out the full report here, which would be advisable, if only so you can know what we’re talking about. The “Too long, didn’t read” version: waitress picks up bill booklet, smells something foul, finds dollars inside, dollars covered in poo. Which is just disgusting. The person who allegedly did it was 17 and with a group of six people, three of which happened to allegedly be Darius Conaway, Keenan Noel, and Nicholas Isaacs.
It raises multiple questions…
- Why are three football players hanging out with a 17-year old? Simple explanation would be a family member. Worst case would be a recruit. If the latter is the case, I’d think that handing in poo dollars means you are no longer considered for a scholarship.
- If the poo dollars were the only tip, then that’s kind of cheap. Two bucks (poo-covered or otherwise) on anything more than a $10 bill is a bit on the tightwad side of things.
- Logistically, I’d like to have a conversation with the alleged suspect to see how the transfer took place. Was it direct poo to dollar? Was there a go-between like tp or the kid’s hand? This brings up multiple issues that have not been addressed. Get on that, Zaleski.
- Is there another program that has odder arrests than BSU? From someone stiffing a cab driver on a ride from the Village to Beacon Hill (maybe $3), to someone getting a DUI in a parking garage, to people stealing boner pills from a drug store, to now this. Big schools may have memorabilia, guns, and weed but here in the MAC it’s a boner pill poo dollar fiesta.
In at least a little bit of seriousness, I’d expect at least some form of missed game time for all three of the athletes involved, however on the periphery their involvement may have been. For Conaway, it may be worse, and probably should be, given his prior incidents that weren’t too positive for the program. CPL doesn’t strike me as someone who appreciates black eyes for the program, so I can’t imagine this is going to go over well. Also, I can only hope someone references this whole thing in Brothers’ Yelp review, because if not, we’re doing it wrong.