Over The Pylon

(Photo: Carol Kaelson photo provided by Jeopardy Productions, Inc.)

If you’re following the Pylon on Twitter (and if you’re not, you should be) you saw us put something out yesterday about an intersection of two of our favorite things: Ball State University and random knowledge. On Friday, Ball State senior Alex Sventeckis will be in the Jeopardy College Tournament against someone from Ohio State and someone from Middlebury College creating what I like to call “Must See Television” in my household.

When I was living in DC, I tried out for Jeopardy, and let me tell you: It’s hard. You have to sit in a lecture hall with one of those crummy raise-from-the-side-desktops that are always wobbly and not at all accommodating for a man of any substantive girth for starters and it only gets worse from there. From there, assuming you didn’t bomb the quiz while your internal organs played a nice little game of twister thanks to the desk, you get a “screen test” where you do a fake game to (I would presume) ensure you are capable of being on camera without sweating through your collar (I did) or screaming out inappropriate things when nervous (I didn’t, surprisingly enough). There’s also an interview, but seeing as how I can only assume I came across as a mix of Tommy Boy in his little coat and Ricky Bobby during his first interview, I didn’t get to that stage. But I digress… Alex did. And he’s representing you, me, and everyone associated with BSU.

His dream category? Fraternities. Go on….

Side note: All the dudes except the nerd from Vandy and the asian kid had facial hair. Alex is Team Clean Shaven. Stay tuned…

I know what you’re thinking. “Alan, Friday is Valentine’s Day! There’s no way I can pull watching this off! I’ve got romancin’ to do, jack.” Don’t worry, we’re way ahead of you with your various strategies and choose your own options within them:

• STRATEGY 1: THE LOYAL CARDINAL
  • Step 1: Say to spouse/bf/gf: “Honey, it’s such a rarity to see BSU get such national attention, would it be ok if we watched this and then went to Applebees/St. Elmo’s/McDonalds and then came home for dessert/board games/sexy fun time?”
  • Step 2: Watch Jeopardy
  • Step 3: Enjoy your meal
  • Step 4: Enjoy “dessert”

• STRATEGY 2: THE BUY JUST ENOUGH TIME
  • Step 1A: Say to spouse/bf/gf: “Honey, that outfit is great but I just don’t think it shows off how sexy you are. Maybe you could try something on a little more bold?” -OR-
  • Step 1B: Say to spouse/bf/gf: “Oh. You’re going to wear that?”  (NOTE: Risky move, but fortune favors the bold)
  • Step 2: Watch Jeopardy
  • Step 3: Enjoy your meal
  • Step 4: Enjoy “dessert”. (Quality of dessert directly related to which Step 1 you choose above)

• STRATEGY 3: THE SINGLE GUY
  • Step 1: If already single, proceed to step 4. If in relationship, proceed to Step 2
  • Step 2: Say to spouse/bf/gf: “Honey, I’ve given this a lot of thought and I have decided I would rather watch a college tournament Jeopardy game than spend even one more minute with you in this hot garbage of a relationship”
  • Step 3: Sidestep slap/punch/jab
  • Step 4: Watch Jeopardy alone
  • Step 5: Order pizza
  • Step 6: See if anything good is on Cinemax after midnight
  • Step 7: Sob
  • Step 8: Play a game of Flappy Bird
  • Step 9: Sob harder
  • Step 10: Cry yourself to sleep. Alone. Like always.

So be sure to check your local listings for when Jeopardy airs, choose your strategy wisely, and watch your plan come to fruition. You’re welcome.

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