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Super Bowl Friday = Worthless

nfl-logoThey say that the first two days of the NCAA basketball tournament are productivity killers, and they are, but at least you get a solid half day of work done in the morning. The Super Bowl is where the real murder of productivity resides. The Monday after? Close but not the worst. You’re still bloated full of cream cheese dips, awful food, and copious amounts of beer. Unless of course you went to a healthy alternative super bowl party full of humus, lettuce wraps, and veggies. Those parties, and the people who throw them, are terrible and you shouldn’t be friends with them. The guilt you feel on Monday for what you did to your body the day before and what you’ve been doing to the executive washroom most of the morning at least makes you respond to a few emails and/or cross one or two things off the to do list. No, I would venture Super Bowl Friday is the least productive work day of the year for more than a few reasons.

First, if you are like me, you’re trying to find the best lines and the best wagers to make for your Super Bowl festivities. Not everyone partakes in that sort of activity, but if you do, I’d recommend checking out Friend of the Pylon BitBet.com. You can also do some home gambling like the squares of the last digits of the score per quarter and all that jazz. Take your Super Bowl party to the next level by including some prop bets like the length of the anthem, who scores first, or some other fun props you can find. Requisite warning about responsibility, not betting your child’s education fund, etc. There, now I feel good about myself again.

Second, you have to plan things. Either you are planning your own party or your planning your appearance at another. Worst case, if it’s just going to be you flying solo at home, you are planning out the rest of your weekend to ensure that by kickoff you can be a lazy sloth and not feel bad about it. If you’re planning your own party, you can go boring with a bag of Tostitos and some salsa along with a case of beer, but that would make you a mediocre host at best (though most likely a bad one). If that’s your go to move, you probably won’t have many friends to invite over, so I’d recommend not doing that or having someone else host who isn’t going to kill the mood of all who attend. If you decide you want to host and need some help, check out EDSBS for the type of people who will be at your party, HuffPo for a guide to Super Bowl party music, and Deadspin for Drew Magary’s general Super Bowl party rules.

Third, you’re going to want to pick a side and research accordingly. Indiana people seem to be disproportionately in favor of the Broncos because of Manning and that’s fine. But whatever you do, don’t be one of those soulless balls of awful that “just watch for the commercials” or just want a good game. This isn’t the Puppy Bowl or the Special Olympics. Pick a damn side and root for that one. Know their players. Know their coaches. Know their ins and outs and what have yous. Look like the smartest guy at a party and people will think you are. They won’t know you are a charlatan, which you will be.

Finally, recognize that this is the last bit of football we’re going to get for a while and savor it accordingly. Aside from spring games in college ball, we are football-less until late August. That’s 7 months of nothing. So above all else, savor the flavor of the great American game for the entirety of the 60 minutes. Don’t flip it off if a team has a big lead (which probably won’t happen), Joe Buck and Troy Aikman are making your ears bleed (which they likely will), or the halftime show is boobless (which it will be). Just be glad there’s football.

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