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An Open Letter to SAMCRO

Dear Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club: Redwood Original Charter,Off Sides 200

As someone who works in personal finance, I have grown increasingly concerned over the years regarding your business model and prospects for the future. Generally I don’t recommend organized crime as a strategy to accumulate wealth. Being a smart investor with your time and money is all about maximizing reward vs. risk, and never have I seen an organization where the risk outweighs the reward as I have seen with SAMCRO. I am taking this opportunity to implore you to sit at your table and have a serious discussion about the future of your club. While I have enjoyed watching your internal and external struggles play out, it has become too painful for me to go on watching. I offer my advice for whatever it’s worth.

Three of these men are dead, one in real life.

Three of these men are dead, one in real life.

First, the mortality rate to just be a member of your chapter is higher than that of most cancers. I’ve sat back and kept my mouth shut as I’ve watched your original membership decrease rapidly due to violent untimely deaths. From what I can tell, the reward for members to take on such risk is to live the lifestyle of someone barely above the poverty line. I am pretty sure Jax and Jemma are the only people affiliated with the club who have a house. However, I’m pretty sure Jax’s house is being paid for primarily by his wife’s salary as a doctor. And Jemma could probably afford her house by taking on a job that wouldn’t have resulted in her getting raped twice in the last decade. I haven’t seen any of you change your clothes in 8 years. I guess running guns for the IRA isn’t as lucrative as it used to be. By my calculations, you guys are coming up on your 32nd consecutive losing quarter. I know Jax has made every effort to steer the club towards more legitimate ways of generating income, like porn and prostitution, but I think even his best ideas are ill advised and destined to fail. My advice is that you all ride your bikes to the nearest factory and fill out job applications. You guys can still ride around and hang out at your club on the weekends. And you’ll be much less likely to find yourselves in a situation where you have to shoot another member in the throat. This may be going too far, but maybe you even give up on the whole motorcycle thing. I’ll tell you what’s fun: fantasy football. Look at it this way, Tig; if you had been in a fantasy football league instead of SAMCRO, your daughter probably wouldn’t have been burned alive in front of your eyes. I’m just sayin’.

I hope your club heeds my advice before it is too late. I know that I and approximately 2 million others will continue following your exploits in hopes of a happy ending.


Dustin White


One Response

  1. I don’t watch Sons, but there may very well be a lucrative career for D White moonlighting as a risk management advisor for entities like Vic Mackey Inc., Tony Soprano et al, and Walter White Industries. Pretty much everyone except Johnny Sack. Fuck that guy.

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