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Off Sides: Government Shutdown Day 2

Off Sides 200I woke up this morning feeling strangely like Kevin McCallister. But instead of walking around a big house looking for my parents, I was left feeling dwarfed by a vast country without a fully functioning government. Sure, I know all essential government offices are still running normally, but are they? And for how long? And how can I function even one day without ALL of my precious government there to protect me from myself and others?

I walked to my bedroom window and looked outside to the corner. The kids waiting at the bus stop were playing normally, naively unaware that their lives as they know them are over. Nobody there to give them money if they are unable, or unwilling, to earn it; nobody there to protect them from blindly falling for scams; nobody to tell them what they should and shouldn’t eat, who they can and can’t marry. I couldn’t help thinking they’d be better off if their bus careened off a bridge on the way to school putting them all out of their misery.

My wife left for work like normal. I’m not sure if I’ll ever see her again. I have enough food and water to last a couple of weeks, but I’d be lying if I said I haven’t looked at my cat and imagined him cooking on my grill. Should I use precious propane, though? I might be able to trade that later for more important commodities like food or sex.

Most people seem to have joined factions calling themselves either Republicans or Democrats. I have to admit that neither side appeals to me, but how long can I possibly survive unaffiliated? I am certainly re-thinking my anti-gun stance at this point. What I’d give to have an assault rifle right now to keep me safe. Instead I stand tightly gripping the Louisville Slugger I used in Little League, waiting for the looters to come.

I’m not sure when, or if, I’ll be able to write another post. Hopefully our government will be back to sustain and protect us soon. Until then, stay safe everyone.

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One Response

  1. Very clever!

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