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Lynch Continues to Entertain

Former Cardinals coach Bill Lynch, now the current head coach at Indiana, is always good for a chuckle. Last year, Lynch brought the el-oh-el’s when he made sure the Big 10 referees officiating the IU-Michigan game as well as his chewing gum knew just how displeased he was with their decision to award an interception to the Wolverines. And now, something comes along that makes that piece of video the go-to Lynch clip no longer. Thanks to Iowa blog BlackHeartGoldPants, we have found our Lynchian unicorn… and it is good. Behold….

Take a moment. Let that sink in. Watch it again if you must.

The sheer amazingness of this video makes me unsure of where to even start. There is the music, reminiscent of a techno club for Swedes, with a nice kicking bassline mixed with yodels. Clearly, yodeling has what’s been missing from the urban dance scene, and makes the ecstasy go down so much smoother. From the first dulcet tones of awesomeness, you knew it was going to be good. But the Hoosierriffic fodder this video provides is beyond my wildest dreams. For example…

1.) The Student Acting!
I’m not sure where IU’s theater program ranks nationally, but I have to believe that with acting like this it has to be in the top.
Director: “Act surprised, IU student!”
Student: “What’s my motivation?”
Director: “Pretend IU actually had a winning record in football this season and anyone outside of the 8,000 people who buy tickets here actually give a shit about us!!”
Director: “Perfect!!”

2.) The Faculty Acting!
Ever been on a college campus? How many times have you seen a faculty member sitting nonchalantly by a fountain, reading a book, with a sportcoat from 1987 on? Exactly. Apparently that happens enough at IU to use it to sell Tshirts and coffee mugs. I do appreciate the acting chops of Joe Q. Faculty, however. Something tells me he may be a hired professional with expression and feeling like this:

3.) The Entire Flawed Premise
First of all, let’s take a look at the pitch man for selling their Indiana University wares to the general public…

When Bill Lynch is the person on campus that you decide would be the best person to peddle your gear that raises some significant questions. First and foremost on that list of queries is “What in the blue fuck were you thinking?!!?” Indiana is a basketball school, not a football school. Have Tom Crean do it. Have one of his assistants do it. Hell, they made a commercial about the old woman that swept the floor for Christ’s sake! Congratulations Bill, you’re following an immigrant janitor. Life’s really looking up for you.

Saying nothing of the oversized penis pump in his kung fu grip, his look here is indeed epic. Looking off into the distance, contemplating life, and just being Lynch. Is he stalking his next Tshirt victim? Is he wondering what created the cosmos? Is he wondering how his son ever managed to play basketball at Ball State? YOU JUST DON’T KNOW!

The designers also ignored a very key facet of God given truth in this ad. Lynch begins his tshirt toss by hitting a student dead in the chest. He then proceeds to hit a sitting faculty member, with amazing accuracy, and with so much force that he falls back into the fountain. Chuckles for all, and we get a wink from The Lynch that I know has melted more than a few hearts and dozens of inhibitions over the years…

Of course, what is far more realistic is as these tshirts are attempting to make it to their intended target, all light and fluttery-like, a PennState/Michigan/Iowa/Northwestern/BloomingtonNorthHighSchool student would jump in front, grab the shirt, and then sprint the opposite way, since that’s usually what happens when IU attempts to throw anything. But kudos to you, Indiana, you not only found a great use for Kellen Lewis’ bong after reformatting it as a Tshirt cannon, but you have provided me with a new found perspective on athletics marketing. No need for the flashy glitz and glamor… just Bill Lynch.

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