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Female Football Monologues: The Fans

When the two teams you cover have a bye week and Eastern Kentucky, essentially another bye week, it becomes necessary to go outside the box a bit to continue to bring the awesome. While there’s no comparisons to upside down mops or insulting another school’s shattily dressed mascot, we decided to go with a topic nearly everyone loves… women.Your thoughts on this Leon?

leon phelps

OOooooo! It's a lady!!!

Right. Anyway… we reached out to some of the fairer sexed fans of OTP to provide some womanly perspective on football. Our first guest author today is Kelly. More about Kelly after her piece… about the fans, Fans, and pink jerseys.

So, a few weeks ago, Alan asked me to write some posts for OTP… “Football from a woman’s perspective”. I was excited about the prospect of this at first, but the more I thought about it, I felt a little awkward being a contributor to a blog that I never read. (Ed. Note: Boo this woman.) Which, I guess, brings me to my first point about football from a woman’s perspective. I will read blogs about a lot of things… Project Runway and celebrity fashion, for instance, but reading posts about the pre-season stats of college teams I couldn’t care less about is about as entertaining as reading, well, as reading a blog about Project Runway would probably be for most of you.

But anyway, I think when it comes to women and football, there are 3 potential groups: Fans, fans and bitches.

Group 1: Fans with a capital F. These girls are genuinely and hugely interested in football. They play fantasy on your fantasy league, they watch every game no matter what, they know the names of every player, they know all the rules inside and out. These are the girls you can count on to be parked on the couch or in the bleachers every Saturday, right next to you.

Group 2: fans (with a lower-case f). These women like football, and they are more than willing to watch or go to a game on a fairly regular basis. They enjoy the social aspects of the game, they probably own some fan gear, they have some team spirit. But if there was an opportunity to go get a pedicure or go shopping with some friends rather than watch the game, they would be more than willing to make that trade-off.

Finally… Group 3: The Bitches. These are the women who are completely unable to understand or recognize the appeal that football holds for anyone and are critical of the men in their lives who love the game. These are the kind of girls who make their boyfriends go to the mall with them on weekends for hours and stand outside of dressing rooms holding their purse, but berate their boyfriend for wanting to spend Saturdays (and/or Sundays, Mondays and sometimes Thursdays) watching the game. In other words, these women are hypocritical bitches. Another obnoxious sub-set of this group includes the girls who buy football jerseys in pink. Is pink a team color? No? Then why the hell is your jersey pink? You look like an idiot.

As for me, I am a fan. I like football. I have been a Maryland season ticket holder. I love tailgates, I love the marching band show, I love the food, and I love the excitement of interceptions and touchdowns. I love to cheer very loudly at games. But I know that I don’t love football the way that anyone who reads this blog probably loves football. And I’m OK with that, because I don’t think my boyfriend should have to share my special obsessions with Project Runway and shoe shopping, so I don’t feel like my life needs to revolve around football. Why do many women have a problem reaching this healthy middle ground? I have no idea. But hey, maybe if your girlfriend is part of the unreasonable group 3, you should leave her purse sitting outside the dressing room in protest and see if she gets the message.


kellyKelly is an alumna, staff member, and fan of the Maryland Terrapins. She is also one of the dozen or so people who have not jumped ship despite the Terps circling the drain this season. Kelly has also been forced to watch Ball State, Kentucky, and RV’s Notre Dame on more than a few occasions, which even when combined didn’t equal an episode of Project Runway. That was a repeat. From 4 seasons ago. She is also a fan (also lower case) of the Washington Redskins, though even with lower case letters she agrees that Dan Snyder  does in fact Suck with a capital S.


2 Responses

  1. Article? Good. Chicks in leis? Better.

    And you don’t even have to be human to agree that Dan Snyder sucks the sweat off a dead man’s balls.

  2. Solid point. I fall somewhere between a Fan and fan. I’m rocking my fantasy football league, despite not having Peyton (stolen during the draft by one of those aforementioned bitches). But if I have to hear one more time the intricacies of the BCS top 5 rankings and how the Hawkeyes belong there, I will shoot myself.
    Oh and by the way Alan, I absolutely love the category Vagina Footballogues – very football feminist!

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